The Beast Does Not Control Me
by Katianna
Summary: Who is darker - beast or man? - This is it, the final chapter!
1. Meet the beast

The beast does not control me

Katianna

AN: Ok, so, reading Laurell K. Hamilton's Lunatic Café for the hundredth time, I came across this line and thought about the affect Shalimar's 'Beast' - for want of a better word - has on the way she sees things and reacts to things. I don't like separating the human and beast side of the Feral psyche, because Shalimar seems to merge the two so effortlessly, but still tell me what u think!

PS I have no idea whether or not someone without a ring can hear the voice coming from someone else's ring. It's all guesswork - Don't blame me if I get it all wrong!

PPS I have just watched 'Whose woods these are' and am currently cursing coz the plot line's of that and this are so similar. I assure you this was thought up and mostly written before the episode aired! Maybe the writers have been reading LKH?

PPPS updated 20/11 for Villanelle due to Jesse problems! Thanks for the heads-up!

PPPPS: OK, I'll shut up now

Every night she awoke, refreshed, having slept the day through, the feline's nocturnal instinct having taken hold long ago. The feral controlled her now, it was the easiest way. There was some memory, long misted by time, of a pack. The human in her dreamt of them from time to time, waking with eyes covered in an unfamiliar wetness. The feral did not know of such things. Nor did it care. Such things were meaningless to her.

As the moon rose high in the sky she would emerge, taste the night and hunt. Sometimes strange things accosted her at night and she would fight them. Sometimes she hunted alone, undisturbed.

But then, there was a change. He looked like her, smelt like her. He hunted like her and fought like her; tooth and fist and nail. They were the same. No words were uttered from their lips — for they had forgotten their meaning. No promises were made, yet both knew they were no longer alone. She stopped dreaming of the five friends. And she was happy.

Every night they would emerge from the dark space, which they knew as home, taste the night and hunt together. They would skulk in the shadows, shy away from those that looked like them, but smelt different, sounded different. Those people would shout into the night, words without meaning to the two ferals. Freaks, monsters, vermin. Food would sometimes be scarce, when people marched the streets to chase them away. But they were happy, for they were together, two of a kind.

They came one day, just as she was beginning to feel the first stirrings of a new life within her. There were seven of them - more than she had ever seen in one place before.

A string of words and gestures, although not understood, made their intentions clear. They wanted her; he was of no importance, what happened to him mattered nothing to them.

The seven surrounded them; there was no escape. Adrenaline flared, pumping fire through her veins and the dance began. Back to back the two ferals fought, flipping spinning, kicking every hit well aimed and carried through. As the movement over took them it took on a life of its own. They merged, blurring the edges, one entity moving, swinging flying through the air. Something stirred within her, a memory of a time when this would have been fun, nothing more than an everyday occurrence, surrounded by familiar faces. 

Now there was just fear.

There were too many of them, of four already knocked to the ground two stood again, three still standing straight and strong. She was bruised, aching. Old wounds tugged and pulled, slowing her, slowing them.

She watched as he fell with agonising slowness, a blow to the side knocking him down. Another blow hit him, and another. She screamed for him, a feral noise that ripped from her like something breaking inside.

She watched as a syringe was drawn from a dark figure's pocket and she fought to get to him in time. She watched as the green fluid was injected into him and fought to get to him in time. She watched as he reached out to her, screaming as she had. Crying out to her. His meaning clear.

Fight. Run. Hide.

She watched as he slumped to the floor, and she ran.

It was many weeks before she stood before the familiar door. She had walked slowly. Feeling the toll of the fight, the loss of a loved one and the draining creation of life. Feeling the growth of his child within her. Fences jumped, borders crossed, she knew where it was she wanted to go.

Home.

Safety awaited her there, although she could not go there directly. No, she must wait for them here, in a place of safety where they were sure to visit. 

The door was locked. She could not move it. But the human in her remembered a picture, a drawing the feral could not interpret. From this the Human knew there was another way. Around the back and though a hallway, up a wall and round the side. Dropping from the roof to the ground, she was inside. She was safe.

"Adam, when was the group supposed to arrive at the safe house?" The voice stirred her from her daytime slumber. A barrage of smells assailed her and she remembered home. This was Jesse. "Yeah, well, there's already someone here." A pause. "I don't know. Someone's cleared out most of the food stores." The words meant nothing to her, but his voice spoke of anger, irritation. It had been long since she had seen him — would she be punished for running? "OK, Adam, I'll be careful. Jesse out."

Adam, Jesse. These words were names, she knew that. She wondered if she had a name.

She crawled from beneath the bed — her new den in the strange, if familiar place. There was no one outside the door but, stepping out silently, she sensed his presence in the corridor. His anger vibrated through the space, she felt threatened, isolated. This was supposed to be a safe place. This was supposed to be a friend. When she came face to face with Jesse she fell quickly into a defensive stance, preparing herself for a forthcoming attack which seemed unavoidable, judging the mood that emanated from the man. When his skin unexpectedly took on an orange glow in the pattern of bricks on a wall, she yelped and skittered back into the room to the safety of the underside of the bed.

She was not safe here.

"Adam?" His voice was still in the corridor; he hadn't come after her yet. "It's another Feral. Do the guys have the antidote on them?" A pause. She tensed, then relaxed as he continued. "No, I didn't get a good look at her. She looked like she was about to attack me. She's covered with dirt. I think she's probably one of the first ones." She tensed again as he stopped talking. He would come for her any minute now. "I think I scared her. She's hiding. I'm going to wait for the others before I try and get her out. I'll talk to you later, OK?" Steps moved away from the door and she heard him leave the corridor and enter the main hall of the house. He had not attacked. She remained unhurt.

Why did he not attack?

Ten minutes later she had plucked up all her courage and prepared to face Jesse again. She moved once again to the still open doorway. He had not shut it or trapped her inside she was encouraged to notice. There was no one in the corridor now, she was sure. She moved cautiously to the end of the hall, every sound a threat. There was the sound of breathing, soft and slow - he was no longer angered - and the sound of paper on paper. There was still the smell of fear in the air, but the aggression was gone. He was no threat to her now, she knew. Although part of her had known that all along.

He was a friend, a Brother, family.

He was sat on one of the softer chairs, book in hand. He glanced up at her as she entered. Something feral crowed in her as he accepted her dominance over him by looking away, not holding eye contact. He glanced up again when she didn't move from her position in the doorway. Jesse was well versed now in dealing with out-of-control ferals; there had been so many recently. There were rules to follow to stay safe, and he knew all of them off by heart. Never look them in the eye, to be safe look away completely. Speak in a pleased tone of voice because; even if they couldn't understand what you were saying they could hear your tone of voice. Never make the first move, back away and watch what they do. This feral was dirty, her face and hair so thick with grime he would have had a hard time telling anyone what she looked like. He grinned at her, looking away again before she could take offence.

"Well hello little pussy cat. Sorry if I scared you before. Do you want to come and sit down?" Jesse patted the seat beside him and was surprised as the feral immediately moved to sit. "Guess you've forgiven me, huh." Jesse returned to his book, satisfied the feral wouldn't hurt him unless he showed aggression towards her. Curious as to the book that consumed the man's attention, she draped herself across his lap so that she was laid beneath the book, and able to see it's cover. He tensed a little, trying to work out what she was doing, but chuckled as she tried to follow the cover of the book as he sat up. Relaxing again he showed her the cover and she examined in carefully.

The picture on the front showed a dark haired woman, crouching, trying to protect herself from a great beast beneath the full moon. The sky was painted green as the beast showed its teeth to the scared woman. She wondered if Jesse would run if she showed him her teeth.

There was something familiar, it occurred to her, about that book. A phrase she knew like she knew herself. Something she had not heard for many years, a lifeline in times of old. Control.

"The Beast does not control me." The words were slurred and rough, voice changed by disuse. Jesse looked up startled. "I control myself."

"So you talk pussy cat. Well that's different." Risking a look straight into the feral's now permanent yellow eyes, Jesse gasped and jumped up out of the chair, scattering the startled feral into the farthest reaches of the room. "Adam, ADAM!"

TBC - Please tell me what you think. Is it worth continuing?


	2. Controling the beast

Thanks so much for the reveiws everyone! Here's the next bit

Jesse gasped and jumped up out of the chair, scattering the startled feral into the farthest reaches of the room. "Adam, ADAM!" He spoke into his hand. The human in her recognised the gesture while the feral tried to determine if it was a risk. "The feral is Shalimar, there is no doubt about it. I'm sure. She tried to say something I couldn't make out, and I just know Adam, believe me. She seems OK, kinda skinny, I can't tell." He paused and looked up at her, still grinning wildly. "I think she's still affected by the virus, but she's got a lot more control than most of the others" He tilted his head to look at her again, as if making sure she was still there. "OK, I'll wait for the guys. We'll be home soon."

Jesse lowered his hand and Shalimar made her way back onto the sofa. She was just getting comfortable when Jesse let out a whoop of joy. "You're alive! You're safe! You're You're HERE!" She dived to the other side of the sofa for safety. Realising his outburst's effect on the nervous feral he put a hand over his mouth. "Oh, Oh, Oh, I'm sorry!" Jesse ran round the sofa to apologise only to find that she had mirrored him and was now in front of the chair. Walking round to the right side he sat down, with Shalimar now back behind him and behind the sofa. When she heard no more strange sounds or sudden movement she looked cautiously over the top of the chair, wondering what the strange man was doing now. He was sat, once again reading his book. He glanced up as she crawled over the top of the sofa and sprawled - so very cat like - across one end.

He had thought she was asleep when suddenly she leapt straight up into the air to land in a crouch by the side of the stairs, almost six-foot away, staring straight at the door.

"Someone comes." Jesse was still confused at his friend's actions when the door swung open to reveal Emma and Brennan, both breathing heavily, having run from the Double Helix to see Shalimar again after so long.

Jesse could see Shalimar become even more tense - still couched at the foot of the stairs which lead up to the door the other half of Mutant X had just entered by. Her face showed the struggle she was having with the fight or flight reaction to their arrival. Not sure which the feral was more likely to choose, Jesse gestured for Emma and Brennan to stay at the door.

"Hey Emma." Jesse greeted with a smile on his face, which denied the fear in his voice. "Shalimar's a little edgy, how'd you fancy trying to calm her down a little?" The smile remained, ensuring his voice didn't give away his nervousness.

If Shalimar knew they were about to try and fill her full of a serum which was likely to cause her an awful lot of pain, he was the nearest victim. And he knew what this woman could do when cornered.

He saw Emma frown as she flicked her head to one side, all of her focus going into that movement, activating a link with the edgy feral. She projected an air of calm and peace into the air between them, feeling a brush of the emotions of the two men in the room as she emoted at the feral. Images flashed into her mind. A small pond, wooden stairs, slatted doors, broken light She sanctuary had been home for both of them for so long now she could not help but be calmed by its presence in her mind.

But something deep within screamed at her, stirring her from her reverie, her dreams of a home she had been absent from for so long. She jumped to her feet - finding herself sat on the floor - and immediately felt fear flare around her. Brennan was stood near to her, too near - she cursed herself for being so easily distracted by thoughts of home. She was not safe. He held a syringe. The green fluid within was too familiar.

She had been tricked.

She did not know how, for the scents of individuals were not so easily recreated, but surely her family would not harm her. Threaten her like this? She screamed as her hesitation allowed him - whoever this man might be - to plunge the needle into her arm, releasing a burning fire into her veins. Surely this was what it was to die. Her heart thumped loud in her ears and any logical thought was wiped from her mind as she succumbed to the raging pain that ruled the moment. Finally everything dimmed and she allowed herself to sleep. As the last thoughts of consciousness dropped away from her she heard the heartbeat within her slow. Slow slow, and stop.

Damn that writer's block. You may have to wait a while for the next bit. I'm meant to be doing Physics coursework as it is.


	3. Trial of the Beast

Disclaimer: So sorry for not including this earlier! Mutant X et al belong to Tribune entertainment (I think) And Anita Blake, and the book Lunatic Café belongs to Laurell K Hamilton. The picture on the cover was done by Steve Stone and the books are published by Orbit um yeah not making any money out of this! (unfortunately)

AN: This next part has been inspired by** Paper Piece**'s fanfic**: "How could this be normal**". Kinda lost the action/adventure genre for a while. It might return later, but for now it's pure angst and a lot of talking. I make some pretty big assumptions about Shalimar and Adam's past and I'm sure it will all be disproved at some point in the show, but still that's fanfiction for you.

Emma sobbed softly, trying not to awaken Shalimar. As soon as they had returned to the Sanctuary Adam had confirmed what Emma had discovered after Shalimar had passed out of consciousness. She had been almost three months pregnant, but the antidote to the virus that had spread among the feral population like wildfire had caused her to have a miscarriage.

She had been responsible for the death of Shalimar's child.

No one could have known the affect the antidote would have on a foetus, but Emma could not help but blame herself. She had been there; she should have understood Shalimar's need for protection, her reaction to the antidote, her struggle to get away from them. She should have known. She started as she heard a whimper from the bed. Shalimar was awake. Standing from the corner she had fallen into having heard the news confirmed, she moved to the feral's side.

"Shalimar, shhh. You're safe now."

"It's gone." She moaned, leaving Emma in no doubt about what she was referring to.

"I'm so sorry Shalimar. I am so sorry." Struggling to hide her tears, Emma turned away. When she turned back Shalimar had rolled over and had her back to her. Blocking her out. The shaking of her shoulders exposed her tears, an action Shalimar had always striven to hide from her friends. Something that always made it more worrying when she cried in front of them. Leaving her friend to grieve Emma went to inform Adam she had woken up. Alone in the medical lab Shalimar's heart broke as she thought of what she had lost and she screamed her anguish to the room. She wished she could resign herself to the feral, for everything had been so simple when she was without control.

She had been happy.

Emma woke as a wave of intense grief washed over her. Knowing the emotions were not her own it didn't take her long to identify who they did belong to. She dressed quickly; hoping that the break in Shalimar's tightly contained emotions would allow them to talk. The last week of complete silence from her had disturbed the psionic, and she knew that in her current state of mind the feral would need support and explanations.

It took her several minutes to find Shalimar. She was not in her room or in any of her normal haunts. She had not entered the open space of the main hallway and gym since she had returned home, so she had not thought to check the raised holographic gym. She did not see her at first, but she could hear her keening. Coming level with the gym a hologram was revealed to her. Standing in the middle of the holographic panel was a tall man. His hair was dark and short, his dress neat. He looked like a businessman heading for a board meeting. The Holograph was not attacking, just standing, although looking down upon someone. Advancing up the shallow wooden steps she found the object of his observations. The feral was curled in one corner, wrapped almost double on herself. She was shaking violently and sobs occasionally wracked her thin form. Sitting quietly beside her Emma waited for her presence to be acknowledged. 

Now that she had been cleaned up Shalimar was beginning to look a little more like the woman they remembered and a little less than a starved and out of control feral. As she looked she could see that the time away from them had been hard on her. She was startlingly thin, her waist looking as if she could circle it with her hands. Bruises and recent scars covered much of her body that was visible past the loose T-shirt and leggings she wore. A vicious line of claw marks disappeared over her shoulder, continuing beyond the level of the shirt and down her back. Her arms were a mass of bruises, pale skin only just visible between them and a scar in her hairline had worried Adam for the potential of a concussion left untreated.

They had all known Shalimar had been the first affected by the virus, almost six months ago. She had been the first host for the virus, which affected the nervous system, suppressing all of the more human instincts and allowing the feral side to run wild and unrestrained. They had feared for her life when twelve of the seventeen ferals they had managed to recapture had died from the effects of the virus. She had been too strong and well trained for them to capture, a close call resulting in a broken arm for Jesse and a beautiful pattern of scars down the side of Emma's face. A blood work taken then, from all available blood left on the scene, told Adam that her death from the virus was imminent.

When Emma had received a chaos of emotions almost two months later none of them had dared believe she might be right when she speculated that they might be from Shalimar.

But She was here.

And she was safe now, all traces of the virus being wiped from her system as they watched. Her eyes would be the last things to change back. For now they retained the yellow iris and slit pupil of the cats who had given her the feral genes. Eventually they would slide apart as she had seen so many times to reveal the chocolate brown eyes that were all her own, but for now they were a reminder of what they had nearly lost her to.

"When I was younger; before Adam found me, I was completely feral." Lost in her own thoughts Emma had not seen Shalimar turn to her, her back now against the curved gym walls. "I hunted, lived, breathed animal. I didn't speak, I didn't read, I didn't care how I looked or how people thought of me. I was an animal and things like that they don't mean anything to them." Shalimar let out a sigh, not sure about what she was about to say to her friend. Not sure how she would react. "And I killed. Anything, anyone that got in my way. Because it felt natural. Because there was a thrill in knowing you are strong enough or fast enough or smart enough to kill. I didn't kill for food, I knew I couldn't eat that I just did it because it was fun. An adrenaline rush.

"I tried to kill Adam. Has he ever told you that? Eckheart pointed me in his direction not that I knew it at the time. I would have never followed anyone's orders then. I was so angry when he caught me. He was just this puny little man and he had caught me. He locked me in one of the rooms and let me wreck it. Then let me out and tried out all his safety protocols on me. I got so angry with him I would stand and rage at him from behind some force field he had erected. Eventually I stopped trying to escape and he started teaching me things. Without making it obvious or letting me know he was doing it. Things stopped being quite as simple. One day I sat there and watched him write the next program. And I saw him leave a fault in it. I don't know whether or not he was testing me or he really didn't know how much I'd learned from him. I got past all of his tricks and into the garage and drove off in one of his cars. I stopped about half an hour away from what was the sanctuary and looked back. It took me that long to realise I was driving in the wrong direction.

"When I got back Adam was waiting with the ring. I've never looked back again. It was a part of me that I never wanted to see again. I hid it away and forced my feral side away from me. Tried to control what it thought, when it reacted. 'The beast does not control me, I control myself.' It was a chant Adam made me use when it looked like I was loosing control. I spent a year trying to work out whether Laurell K Hamilton had been one of Adam's new mutants, a feral he had help regain control. Turns out he just read her books, too." She chuckled hoarsely at the old memory. "I didn't want my beast to be a part of me, but I needed it. And then I lost control again and"

"Shalimar, you couldn't have controlled what you did, it was the virus" Emma was silenced by a wave of Shalimar's hand.

"This." She traced a line along the side of Emma's face; the pale scars from the scratches she had given her when trying to escape, clear under the electric light. "I gave you this didn't I?" Emma nodded dumbly, unsure about what Shalimar was saying. "Did you ever feel threatened by me when I hurt you? Did I ever threaten your life?"

"No, You were only trying to get away from us. You would never have hurt us more than you had to, to get away. You were trying to protect yourself. You thought we were a threat. I could see you didn't want to hurt us, it was in your eyes."

"That's the difference between my feral side and my human side."

"I don't understand."

"If I had been like I was before; I would have killed you, all of you, just to prove that I could. The feral side of me doesn't need to kill, Emma. It isn't some primal instinct. Without me, human me, influencing my actions the feral me lived one of the happiest lives I've ever lived.

"It was me, human me that killed those people. I was stronger, faster, and more intelligent that all of them put together and I wanted to prove it to the world. Animals don't do that. They don't need to. They kill for food and protection. Not for fun. When I was truly feral all I thought about was food, sleep, staying safe having children

"As a human I killed and then I tried to force away the only thing that can keep me on the ground. My feral side. The virus was the first thing to put my soul at rest." Uncurling her hand from her side Shalimar revealed a small vial full of a bright red liquid, and Emma gasped at the sight of it. It was the virus. "This can take me back."

OK, there's going to be another chapter of angst like this and then things might start happening again. Don't give up on me yet!


	4. Wanting the Beast

AN: I'm drowning in angst nooooo!!!!!!!!!

Ta for the reviews!!!!!

"We can't cure you again. You should know that before you do anything. The Antidote is a big strain on the system the first time around, it was a fault that Adam couldn't fix. The second time it would kill you." Emma told Shalimar, tears welling in her eyes that she could be so willing to leave them again after she had been gone so long.

"I won't leave you just yet Emma." She murmured, although reading her mind. "I've missed you all so much, even though I didn't know it."

Trying desperately to ignore the vial that Shalimar held in her hand, Emma's attention turned back to the hologram which still stood over them.

"Who was he?" She asked when she could find her voice again.

"A feral. Like me. His hair was longer than when that was taken." She glanced at the still hologram and looked away as though hit. "It used to glow a kind of red colour if he stood in the light. He saved my life. A couple of GSA agents had knocked me on my head and I couldn't see straight. I thought six of him had leapt in to save me." A sad half attempted smile couldn't hide the wave of pain and guilt that washed over her bringing new unshed tears to the surface. "I couldn't save him Emma. They were there for me; not him and I ran. I left him there. I let him die."

"You were trying to protect yourself and your child."

"And a great job I did of that, to." Shalimar laughed hoarsely.

"Oh, God Shal I am so sorry. I should have known I should have understood. It's my fault" But Shalimar wasn't paying attention to Emma's plea for forgiveness. Connections were forming at a million miles per hour until only one assumption could be made.

"He's still alive." She gasped.

"What? Who?"

"He is." Shalimar gestured at the hologram. "I saw them inject him with something and he called out I thought he was dying. I thought they'd killed him. But"

"The antidote."

"Exactly."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Find him, save him. Repay the debt."

OK, so it's short, but I've got a lot of info to pack into the next chapter so I figured shorter was better.

Will update soon!


	5. Freeing the Beast

Freeing the Beast

AN: Once again thanks a lot for reviews! Just a note, the name Onca is pronounced Ohn-sah. The 'n' is only just pronounced and the 'c' should be written with a cedilla, but .html doesn't like that! Neway, on with the show.

Shalimar rose silently from her bed. Walking along the corridor, her footsteps did not make a sound, not a creak of a floorboard, nor the sound of a footfall. Stopping outside Emma's door she listened in. Soft breathing told her that her worried friend was now sound asleep. Jubilant, Shalimar moved into the main hall and sat before the computer console. She was going to do this alone.

Two hours later and she had all the answers she needed. It was not the GSA - she had realised - that had taken Him. But another organisation, (with terrible web security she noted, child's play to hack into), trying to sell off feral new mutants to the highest bidder. 29 feral new mutants had been captured and cured of the virus. All were to be sold in the next few weeks. She had a plan of the building where they were being held and security codes; although to what she did not know. Quickly recording a video message to the rest of Mutant X, Shalimar was on her motorbike and away before any of her sleeping friends began to stir.

The halls were deserted. There was no sign of any guards and no locks or mechanisms of any kind into which she could enter the codes she had stolen. 

The room that had been shown as containing the ferals seemed empty. It was a large warehouse-type space with clean metal walls. Nothing filled it. She walked into the room cautiously, wary of being trapped with only one entrance or exit. There was a small console on one wall with a keypad, as if to open something, but there seemed to be no reason for it, there were no other doors to open and there was rarely a need for a lock on the inside of a room. It was only when she was half way into the room, beginning to suspect a trap, when she chanced to look down.

They were below her. Huge glass panels formed a roof to their cells and they called up at her above them, silent through sound proof glass. Metal barriers separated them from each other. There had to be at least 20 cells here, some contained more than one feral and some were empty. Looking back at the access panel she remembered the codes she had been given. Quickly typing out the codes she watched as the glass panels slid to one side. Small walkways were left between the cells, connecting them and allowing movement between them.

As soon as the roofs were fully open people began emerging from the cells. Jumping from the floor of the cells to the walkways, showing their feral abilities.

"Everyone check the nearby cells as you come out, I don't want to leave anyone behind." She shouted across the room as the ferals continued to flock towards her and crowd around her. She was pleased to see a couple of them move back towards the cells to check out the now empty area.

Picking out two of the bulkier ferals she stationed them outside the door as lookouts. Checking everyone's faces as they emerged she realised she knew quite a few of them from rescues Mutant X had previously co-ordinated. The Bastet group were all here, all five young women and their leader, Bastet herself as well as several other familiar faces. She greeted all those she recognised and acknowledged all those who offered thanks for the rescue, but there was no sign of Her feral anywhere. Realising that the flow of people from the cells had stopped and all were stood nearby waiting for her command she looked out to the few who were checking the cells. A shout from one of the ferals - a blond with short hair, wearing what looked like military fatigues - caught her attention.

Reaching her side she looked down into the cell and felt sick to her stomach. There were people in the cell; at least seven of them piled into the small space. All were dead. Glazed eyes stared up at her, up at the freedom they would never enjoy. She looked away, breathing deeply.

"There are people in here dead. Is anyone missing?" Called out to the others. She dreaded the thought that He might be in that small space, hidden by others that had met the same fate.

"Our pack is missing five and our leader, Lago." A huge man was walking towards her. His shoulders looked almost as wide as Shalimar was tall. Looking down into the cell and away again as quickly as he could, he cursed. "They are all in there." The huge man turned to the small crowd of people that had gathered on one side of the room, separate to the others. "Our leader is dead. I will take responsibility for the pack until we have escaped. Do any oppose me?" There was no noise and the man turned back to Shalimar, who was looking on, confused. She had never heard of a pack of feral mutants. "My name is Dus. Our pack is at your service."

"I'm Shalimar of Mutant X, and thanks."

"Mutant X! I have heard much of your team. I had expected you to be" He looked over the top of her head, as though judging her height. " Bigger." He finished.

Before she had a chance to retort, or ask the large man about the 'pack' another shout sounded from across the room.

"This one is alive, but only just. I can see him breathing." Reaching the man's side she was immediately relieved. He was there, alive, although the dark haired man who stood beside her was correct, his breathing was erratic and he looked although he hadn't been treated for his injuries since they had captured him, he had been simply thrown into the cell. She was in the cell, at his side in moments, tears in her eyes. She cursed as she realised his pulse was as erratic as his breathing. He needed to get out of here, and soon. A face appeared above her.

"Are you OK down there? My people want to get out of here." She looked up. She had forgotten about the thirty or so people who were awaiting her instructions.

"I'm going to need help getting him out of here. Could one of you help me lift him out?"

There was an exchange of glances and murmurs in the crowd. They had spent weeks in these cells, she realised, and they were not going to get back in them without a fight. She heard Dus ask the question of the others in the crowd and heard the negative response.

"I am sorry," he called down, "but I will not force my pack to do things I would not do myself and I would not go willingly back into that cell. Those who are not my pack I have no control over, but they too have expressed their apologies." She sighed. It would be up to her to get him out. Scooping him into her arms she lifted him from the floor, muscles straining. His larger bulk made it difficult for her and, looking up she was not sure she would make the jump.

Crouching and looking up again to judge the distance she closed her eyes; focused and leapt. Feeling her feet land securely on the upper level she sighed with relief and laid Him on the floor.

She looked up into the concerned face of Dus. Brushing away his offer of assistance she stood and looked around. "How many of these people belong to your pack?"

"Fifteen. I know at least seven others in the crowd. We will all follow you without question."

"How many of yours can fight?"

"All if necessary. Though there are only four people here besides me that I would trust to lead a group into a battle situation. Two are not pack so I will not vouch for their reliability."

"Divide everyone into groups following those five. I'll join the group following the one you trust least. Bastet," She pointed out the large dark haired woman who was surrounded by her five followers, "Will want to lead her own group. Take her with your group and ignore her." Dus smiled at her.

"Pan, Fel, Tig and Cane get out here a minute." He called out. Four people emerged from the crowd. Pan was a very stereotypical 'tall dark and handsome', the only think not quite fitting was the ripped and ruffled clothes he wore in place of a three piece suit. Fel was a woman of Shalimar's stature, muscles showing even beneath a shirt, blond hair cut to brush her shoulders. She smiled, showing rows of sharp pointed teeth. Shalimar's first impression of Tig was a bright grin, which seemed very out of place in the stifling situation. She looked like she belonged in children's classrooms surrounded by little people and telling stories. Her red hair bounced in tight curls around her head and, as with Pan, the only thing that looked out of place was her ragged clothes. Cane was almost a perfect opposite to Tig; his face was a threat of dark things. His hair braided past his waist and a goatee finished off the look.

"Everyone! Shalimar of Mutant X has freed us, now we must follow her so that she may get us to safety. There are many of us here and it is vital that, now we are free, we do not sacrifice it. Please form groups behind the four who now raise their arms." He gestured to the four who obediently raised their arms. "I believe the infamous Bastet clan will have the honour of my company. Shalimar you will accompany Cane." Seeing the room divide itself Shalimar nodded to herself, smiling internally. She would still be begging for people's attentions at this point. Even Bastet didn't quibble over following Dus. Impressive.

"Right, everyone." She stepped in, taking over. "You will all follow your group leader out of this building and into the forest just outside. The building is sparsely guarded, it should be no problem to get out. When you get out to the forest stay undercover and silent. Follow the river downstream until you reach a watchtower. In about 20 minutes some friends of mine will arrive there and should be waiting for you. If you come under attack, get to the watchtower as quickly as possible. I don't want to risk casualties because someone wants revenge, understood?" A roar of 'understood' deafened her and she smiled softly. "OK, we leave in five minute intervals, don't crowd. Pan, you lead. See everyone at the watchtower."

She watched as the first two groups left with surprising stealth. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised, they were feral after all. But being with the rest of Mutant X had made her forget how truly silent a feral could be. She was used to hearing Emma or Brennan or Jesse's loud footsteps beside her own silent ones. As the third group began to filter out of the doorway and it was only Dus and her own groups left, she knelt to lift her mate again. A hand on her shoulder stopped her, looking up she found Cane's hard dark eyes.

"We're in your debt little lady. 'Least let us carry your luggage for you." He drawled.

"What is it about my height today? Anyone else want to take a stab at me?"

"No offence meant miss, I just"

"Expected me to be bigger, yes I know." She jumped as a dark haired woman with olive skin and amazing green eyes appeared at her elbow, startling her.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, I think I might be shorter than you and I can beat Cane in one-on-one any day. He knows it too." Shalimar was surprised to see the big man's expression soften marginally.

"Yeah, Onca, I think you might be right, but still, someone needs to carry this bundle of bones, and our great rescuer here looks like lifting him again might do her in. Sometimes size is useful." She hated to admit it, but Shalimar knew he was right. She wasn't up to carrying him again.

"I'll forgive you this time. But if anyone is going to carry him, it needs to be someone who isn't going to fight. We'll need all the hands we can get if we're attacked." Nodding as if re-assessing her, Cane turned behind him and called someone over. He was huge, all bulk, and all natural. This man's muscles had not come from lifting weights.

"This is Chad. He doesn't fight. He'll carry our luggage, won't you Chad?" There was a grunt of agreement from the big man and he lifted the injured man off the floor almost casually.

Shalimar glanced back at Onca, the woman who had faced down Cane. "Don't you just hate it when they do that." She quipped. "Thank you, by the way." As the other woman erupted in giggles she knew it was the beginning of a great friendship.

"Maybe we should start a support group for vertically challenged feral new mutants." 

I need to know opinions people, am I introducing too many characters at once? 'The Pack' is going to feature in another fic I have planned for a later date, but I don't want to clog this fic up with introducing them now. What do you think?


	6. Creating the beast

Creating the beast

AN: Soz this took so long to get to you! 'Fraid there's not going to be that much angst for a while due to rather a lot happening in the a/a department. Plus it was all getting a bit tedious and out of hand. Sorry, I can't satisfy everyone all the time. Thanks for your comments. All have been taken into account as far as is possible. On with the show

Dus stood at the bottom of the watchtower counting the people as they emerged. His team, though the second from last to leave, had been the first to arrive at their destination. The Bastet clan, although seemingly very delicate, had travelled quickly in the undergrowth and he had almost been left behind more than once. There were now eighteen ferals, including the young man who was still unconscious in Chad's arms, waiting for a signal from Mutant X, who had yet to arrive. But the last group of five, including their rescuer, was still missing.

He smiled softly at his wife, Brice, who was sat on the riverbank. He hoped he would find the rest of his family safe when he got back to them in the city. He silently thanked the Gods that his young daughter had been spared when their leader had unknowing given them over to their captors. The sight of those of his pack, dead, had shocked him, as had that of their rescuer's unknown friend. Their captors had offered them little violence during their stay, wanting to keep them in 'top condition' for sale. He wondered what they had done to deserve such treatment.

Looking back to the trees he was disappointed to neither see nor hear any sign of the missing group. Their absence was beginning to worry him. He looked up with a start as Pan called out from the other side of the perimeter he had set up. Two people were emerging from the tree line. Dus immediately recognised Onca from his pack and Cane, who had been leading the fifth group. Onca panted heavily as she skidded to a stop in front of Dus. Cane sank to his knees just out of the trees with his head in his hands.

"Shalimar has been captured." Onca informed him. "The others are dead. We thought it best to inform you rather than try to retrieve her ourselves."

"A sensible decision. But not yours, I suspect." Dus could see the anger and frustration in the green eyes of his friend.

"No, I wished to follow them. But Cane led the group. I was honour bound to follow him. To save his hide if nothing else." The last was muttered under her breath and Dus chose to ignore it.

"Pan, Fel." The ferals who had lead the first two groups stood to attention. "You will come with Onca and I. We will return and attempt to rescue our rescuer. Everyone else, you will wait here and inform Mutant X of our whereabouts. We will return with their friend."

Turning to leave Dus was surprised to come face to face with Cane. "I will accompany you."

"You have done enough tonight, Cane." The words held no blame, there was no place for blame here. People were dead.

"Those that died. Those that followed me today and died. They were my family. My wife and son. I would go with you." Dus' heart quailed with the though of his daughter in such a situation. Understanding what Cane wanted to do, Dus nodded sharply. Casting a long glance at his wife he prayed he was doing the right thing.

The world was fuzzy as Shalimar regained consciousness. As things began to crystallise and clear she realised she was back inside the building, facing three metal walls. Shifting to attempt to ease her aching muscles she found herself strapped into a laid back chair, leather straps cutting into her arms, legs and across her chest.

She calmed herself, focusing all of her energy into one arm and pulling upwards violently. The leather held firm, rubbing and welting her skin. She moaned softly and fell back into the chair. She closed her eyes and focused on the parts room that she could not see, letting other senses show her what was hiding behind her. There was a doorway, a slight draft told her that. And behind her somewhere was an object that smelt very metallic, and others that smelt of old blood. She did not want to be here.

She heard the person walking towards the room, before he entered and shuddered as he walked through the door. He smelt of sweat and old leather, but beneath it she could detect the familiar tang of blood. He moved to stand beside the chair, far enough back that he wasn't in her line of sight, even if she twisted all the way around in her restraints.

"You've caused me a lot of trouble, Ms. Fox." The voice was low and rough, the voice of someone who'd smoked to much and drunk too much in their life. "I had buyers all lined up for the merchandise you released today and I've had a buyer for you lined up from the start. I've invested a lot in you and your feral friends."

"So sorry to spoil your plans." Shalimar retorted, trying to hide her fear behind false bravado and sarcasm.

"It's OK, you see, now I have a new plan." The speaker stepped forward and any details about the man that Shalimar may have seen were lost in a cloud of fear as she saw what he held in his hands. He was slowly draining the contents of a vial of red liquid, not unlike the one Shalimar had been handling earlier, into a syringe. Finishing the task he placed the empty vial back onto the metal tray behind the chair that clattered slightly. Shalimar fought the urge to scream as he tapped the filled syringe on the palm of his hand, as though contemplating something. "You know Mr. Eckheart never specified how he wanted you. It would be a shame if - in your uncontrollable feral state - something were to happen to you. Don't you think?" He grinned at her, but she didn't notice. Her whole being focused on the syringe that he was waving around almost carelessly.

"You wouldn't re-infect me. It would spread again and your 'merchandise' would be useless to you." She tried desperately to hide the tremor in her voice, but knew it was there despite her best efforts. 

"Ah, you're right, the unfortunate side-affects of the antivirus. That's why I've had the virus re-engineered, you see. It's no longer infectious, and so I can administer it to whoever I like. Whenever I like. Unfortunately several of the stock were lost before we found that the second dose was fatal. But it could not be helped. Now hold still, I do not want any of this wasted." Desperately Shalimar struggled with her bonds. She had wanted to use the virus again to return to her previous peace, but she needed to know He was safe first, as well as the other ferals she had rescued today. She wanted to lose control in the sanctuary, with her friends watching over her. She wanted to apologise to Emma, for the weakness of her soul as she slipped away. 

Not like this.

She winced as the needle pierced her skin.

Not like this.

Dun, Dun Duuuuunnnn!! OK, Sorry about the cliff-hanger well maybe I'm not. But still. There you go. Was that any better? Feedback!


	7. Knowing the Beast

Using the beast

The man cried out as a blow impacted with his hand, causing the syringe to go flying out of his grip and land on the ground; cracking open and spilling it's contents. "Hey, that was expen" Even as he objected, a large hand closed around his windpipe and his voice trailed of to a squeak. Sounds of crashing reached their ears from outside as Cane and Pan fought off the guards.

Onca was immediately at Shalimar's side, lifting her eyelids to reveal feral eyes.

"She's been re-infected." Onca sighed, beginning to undo her restraints.

"I thought we got here in time, there was still stuff in the syringe." Dus exclaimed as the man went flying into a nearby wall to slump to the ground unconscious.

"Well, some of it's in her. She might only be partially infected. I don't think it can be contagious this time, though."

"How'd you figure?" Fel asked from where she was watching the door.

"You see my eyes? I can't tell from where I'm standing, but I'm pretty sure they're still human. You know how quickly it spread last time. Besides, it makes sense he wouldn't want us re-infected if he wanted to sell us off."

Nodding, Dus leant to lift Shalimar out of the medical chair, frowning as she started to twitch. "Onca, what's going on?"

"There's probably some anti-virus still in her bloodstream, from when she was cured the first time. Hopefully it will neutralise some of the virus."

"OK, well, we need to get back to the watchtower to meet up with her friends, preferably before she wakes up." Onca left the room carefully, stepping over the guard's bodies to lay a hand on Cane's back where he was sat in the corner, looking upon the destruction he had caused.

"Come. Let us go home." She murmured softly. "There has been enough destruction today." Cane nodded slowly and stood, following Onca out. 

She was groggy at first, only partially away of the arms that encircled her, and the smell of water and plants. Birds trilled quietly, unaware of the not-quite-animals who moved though their midst. Pollen tickled her nose. She opened her eyes to investigate her surroundings more closely and found the face of a man. She knew this man, knew his face. She tried to drop to the floor, and strong arms restrained her, holding her tight. A warning rumble began in her throat, building to a growl.

"Hush, Umbrae Vulpus. You are safe with us." The voice did not belong to the restraining arms. Rolling her head back she found another face. Bright green irises disappeared behind yellow feline ones. Looking up at the soft brown eyes of the one who carried her they also disappeared behind a yellow shield. She was safe.

Dus frowned as the approached the clearing beneath the watchtower where he had left his friends. Gesturing for the others to stop he laid a hand on Shalimar's arm to stop her. She pulled up short, looking down at his hand on her arm as if it had appeared from nowhere. Dus turned back to the other four, ignoring her.

"There's something wrong, I can't hear the others and the whole area smells of steam and fuel."

"A trap?" Pan asked. "Or has Mutant X left without us?"

"I don't know, but"

"Dus!" Fel interrupted him. "She's gone!"

"What!?!" He turned to find Shalimar half way out of the cover of the trees and running, as if headed to the other side of the clearing. She stopped, short and sudden, about half way across and Dus gasped, thinking she'd been shot. Then, as if it were the most normal thing in the world she reached out one hand and knocked the air like a mime artist.

Not one of the three ferals could believe their eyes as a hatch dropped down and a door opened with a man silhouetted against a bright artificial light.

"Hey, Shal, have you been waiting long? We've shipped a few groups of ferals out to the city, the last lot told us to wait for you. Adam said to tell you your friend is going to be fine." A tall dark haired man stepped out of the Helix. "Do you know how hard it is to fit 10 ferals at a time into the Helix? I didn't think it would" Stepping into the light Brennan noticed Shalimar's eyes. "Oh, Shal."

She awoke, having slept the day through. Things weren't simple anymore. She was learning that every day. There were words and thoughts. Things that had no place in a beast's mind. They leaked in as though from a dripping tap, drop by drop.

Things slotted into place and the human in her knew, and smiled.

"The beast does not control me, For I am the beast."


	8. Being the Beast an Epilogue

Being the Beast - Epilogue

AN: all credit (and flames) for this chapter go to fluffy bunnies - my beta! She all but wrote this because she was determined that this scene had to happen and was not satisfied with my ending. (Darn you!) So, DON'T BLAME ME! On with the (slightly unusual for me) show

It was five days after the feral's great escape and slowly Shalimar was regaining control over her feral side and the stranger with whom she had lived during her time away from Mutant X was slowly healing. On the sixth day he was released from the medilab where he had been recuperating, soon to return to his house and job on the other side of the city. His first action on release was to seek out Shalimar, the woman behind the feral with which he had fallen in love. Finding her in the main hall of the fabulous building he had been introduced to as 'The Sanctuary', he approached slowly, unsure of his reception.

She watched him approach curiously, unsure of this man who she knew so well, though not at all. Her eyes; still yellow from the virus still polluting her systems, followed his - now a striking blue which seemed unfamiliar in his familiar face - as they flitted around their new environment, sparing only moments for each new thing that caught their attention.

"Nice place you have here." He offered a smile, such a familiar smile.

"It's home." The words were softly lisped as if spoken by a foreigner to the tongue. Her words and voice only just having been returned to her by the ravages of the virus.

"Look, Shalimar it's Shalimar, right?" She nodded vigorously, a mane of wild blond hair scattered by the action.

"And Thomas." She replied, smiling softly at the reversed introduction. He smiled in return, but the smile quickly faded.

"Shalimar I'm I" His eyes dropped to the ground.

"You have to go home." She supplied. His eyes met hers once more.

Yeah, I have to go home." He chuckled to himself softly. Turning away he sat down on the wide wooden stairs that lead up to the next level of the sanctuary, his head in his hands. He looked up and met her eyes. "I'm not sure I want to, not after this."

"Well don't." She countered.

"I have to. I have to go back to my job, try and rebuild my life. I've been gone almost a month." She sat down beside him on the step; head leant softly on his shoulder. He looked down at her and then away. "I just can't I'm so sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"What I did to you. It was so wrong. I took advantage of you. I shouldn't have" She pulled his face around so that he had to look into her eyes. Fires burned deep and anger rose to the surface.

"You think I didn't didn't want what happened between us? Want US? I have always wanted to really belong. To have a family. Adam and the others, they've always been a part of my life, my family," She frowned as she tried to order her thoughts, think clearly about what she wanted to say. "But they can't give me more could never give me what you gave me even if it didn't last." He couldn't miss the crack in her voice as she mentioned the child that wasn't to be. Taking her hands in his he stared into her eyes, trying to find his answers there.

"Come with me." She took in a shocked breath, momentarily unable to think. It would be the answer to everything. It would be so simpleBut then she stood, pulling away from his grasp.

"I can't. Mutant X is my family. They need me here, and I need them. Too much rests on our being a team. I belong here."

"Then I guess this is were it ends." He turned as he spoke, standing and moving towards the door where he knew Brennan was waiting to take him home. Even as he took his first step out of the room, Shalimar turned to him, tears springing into her eyes.

"Wait." That one word, hesitant and soft, was enough to stop him mid-stride. Shalimar walked towards him slowly, as though fighting an internal battle with every step. When she got to his side she reached up, cupping his chin in her hand and pulling his face down to hers. They moved closer until they were almost touching and he reached out, pulling her towards him and into him. Desire blazed in their eyes and their hunger was equally matched; both knowing that this would be their last chance.

Behind them the door opened and Brennan entered.

"Thomas." His name penetrated this mists that surrounded them, blocking out the world, and pulling them back to Earth.

They broke apart and Thomas turned again and walked slowly out of the room, not looking back.

As the door shut Shalimar sank slowly to the floor.

The Sanctuary descended into peace.

All was finished.

It was the end


End file.
